doublecrowss | Inbox for awash

[ Akechi is huffing a laugh before he can even try to stop it, and it's hardly out of any real amusement. Important to him? Hah. ]

There's no need for you to lie to me.

[ It comes out a lot more bitter than he intended, too. ]

Honestly, before we came here, we were closer to acquaintances than we were to friends, let alone anything more. I'm not sure how important that would be.

[ Even without taking Akechi's extracurricular activities into account, even as the ever pleasant teenage detective, they never spent much time together, save for the occasional exchange on the way to school or a brief encounter in Leblanc-- and it wasn't for a lack of trying on Akechi's side, either. As far as he can tell, Akira never had any real interest in him before their arrival in Chroma, and even now he still wonders if they only got this close for a lack of better, familiar options to hang out with.

Perhaps he was only fooling himself into believing Fate ever had anything to do with it. ]

If you were to never forget me, then I would probably only be remembered as the person who got in your way as a Phantom Thief, haha...

[Akira knows they didn't hang out that much, and he blames himself in large part for that. It had just been so hard to believe at first that such a well-known, well-liked mini-celebrity would have any interest in a scrawny delinquent who fanboys for the Phantom Thieves, even as the voice rang in his head, informing him of their bond. And there'd always been that nudge at the back of his mind that something wasn't right, confirmed when Akechi came to them and they remembered his remark about the pancakes.

And then everything had moved so fast.

They really do have time to breathe here.]

You remember what I said about bonds, don't you? About the arcana, and how it makes me stronger.

[He's sure Akechi remembers, even if it was a long time ago that they last talked about it. It was surely a revelation then.]

The bonds that tie into my personas... they're stronger than anything, and can't be broken. And you and I have one, even as small as our relationship was then. So it has to mean something, right?

How could I forget?

[ Yeah, of course he remembers. The goddamn power of bonds that gave Akira such an edge over his enemies and made him so strong, the same power that no one ever told Akechi about... The power he probably could never master, anyway. ]

Whether that had any meaning or not, I wouldn't know. That isn't an ability that we share.

[ Is it even a lie, really? Wildcard or not, Akechi could never form meaningful bonds from which he could harness any strength. Not with the way he is.

(He did hear the voice back then, though, just once, and a few times more ever since coming to place, but...) ]

Regardless, I do know that what we have now is meaningful. Whether it's strong because of the arcana or something else, it's irrelevant to me.

[ Yes, just a lot of talk of no consequence to him. He would never care about this arcana deal. ]

It's just... strong. And that's all that matters to me.

[ Not with the way he... was? ]

[It's... surprising, in a way, to hear Akechi talk like this. After his insistence in that forever ago timeline that he could never have friends, would never give himself over to this sort of weakness, to hear him talk now about such strong feelings between them...

It warms Akira. It gives him hope that none of this is in vain, that it's all going to lead somewhere. Somewhere better.

And it gives him butterflies, too. To know someone feels that strongly for him, and that he feels the same... who doesn't want that?

He can't help but grin, a little bigger and wider and more happy than before.]

Strong, huh...?

[And suddenly he leans in, pressing a big, loud kiss to Akechi's temple.]

I agree.

[ The kiss startles him just a little, and he can't help but giggle at the sound it makes, light and carefree and just... happy.

... huh. ]

I'm glad you do.

[ He's more than glad or even content, though. He really is... happy, isn't he? This is what happiness feels like, right? ]

Although if I get to choose, I hope this is about more than just an arcana talking to you.

[ He wouldn't really mind it if it was, though. The arcana doesn't make it any less meaningful or real; it might be quite the contrary.

(That is what he's been hearing, too... isn't it?) ]

[His giggles like that are so cute, so nice. He likes hearing them. Akira wonders if those kinds of giggles would have come more naturally from him, if he'd had a normal life...]

I think so. The Arcana isn't everything.

[But it does mean a lot, and it's certainly not a bad thing. At least, it means that his tie between himself and another person will always be strong, even if their relationship is... strained.]

[ Akira, don't be silly, the arcana is the means by which all is revealed.

Regardless, Akechi falls silent for a minute, his thoughts wandering off. The last time they talked about this, he had been understandably caught off guard-- and in all honesty, he still hates the idea that Akira has a better handle on his powers even though he has had them for much longer, but... He wants to know. Needs to know. And maybe it will be easier to do like this.

Maybe the strong, positive feelings he has for Akira will be enough to suppress his bitter, bitter jealousy. ]

You... never really told me much about it, though. About the arcana, and how it relates to your unique abilities as a Persona user.

[ Heh. Unique. Right. ]

Would you mind telling me now?

[Akira is a little surprised he's showing interest now. At the time, he seemed almost... annoyed, to hear about it, but now he's actually interested.

Akira wonders if he hears the voice too, one strange yet familiar, telling him when he's formed a special bond with another. Of course, he can't ask him that. But he can give him this information.]

Sure. I can tell you what I know.

[Though where to start? His own understanding is limited to his experiences and the cryptic teachings of Igor.]

I guess the most important thing to know is, every Persona has an Arcana too. Arsene is of the Fool Arcana. Robin Hood is Justice.

Edited 2019-01-22 03:52 (UTC)

[ Yes, he already knows about that, though it's not like he can exactly tell Akira about it; several different Arcana for several different Persona, and all had always been so weak to him. All so useless compared to his first.

But there had been one exception. ]

... Justice.

[ With Robin Hood, Justice had been the one Arcana that had seemed to give him an extra boost of power, and the hero-like Persona that had only meant to be a disguise for his real self turned out to be much stronger than he expected-- not quite like Loki, of course, but still rather impressive.

It hadn't always been like that, though; time and time again, he had performed fusions, resulting in equally weak Justice arcana Persona. And the only thing that had changed since then was-- ]

Because that voice tells you I'm Justice, correct...?

[ Wasn't that what he also heard when he met Akira...? ]

Right. Whenever I first form a bond with someone, the voice tells me what Arcana they are to me. And it told me you are Justice.

[He smiles.] Makes sense, right? You were trying to end my reign of terror, after all.

[All meant in jest, of course! Even if Akechi still means for him to quit being a Phantom Thief after this is all over... (He can't help but wonder if that is really the case.)]

I'm able to... create new Personas, using the ones I've taken on. And if the resulting Persona is of a certain Arcana that I have a strong bond with, they gain a big power boost. It allows me to make even stronger Personas than I had before.

Edited 2019-01-23 04:39 (UTC)

[ ... ah. So his hunch was right, after all. ]

... I see. So you draw strength from bonds in a quite literal sense. It's no wonder both you and Arisato-kun seem to hold them in such high regard.

[ That same grossly romanticized view of interpersonal relationships, and notions that have always eluded him like teamwork, and friendship, and camaraderie... It makes sense for them to find them so precious. It's what gives them power, after all.

It's also no wonder Akechi could never find out about that on his own. He never had any strong connections to anyone. ]

How do you do it? Create new Personas, I mean?

[ He wonders if the process is just as gruesome as it is to him. ]

Well, it's also just nice to have friends.

[He doesn't want Akechi to think the power is the only reason he treasures these bonds, after all. There're so much more important than their use in fighting shadows. They're what give him a reason to wake up in the morning; a reason to live.]

But... ah. [He laughs a little.] It's a little weird, but... Basically, I have to execute them. And it's like their essences fuse together to make a new Persona.

[He wonders if Akechi can do the same.]

[ Akechi doesn't pay much attention to the !nice to have friends" comment, partially because he still has a hard time believing it, but mostly because he's more interested in the rest of Akira's explanation. ]

Fusion, huh...

[ So it is the same as him, after all. That much isn't too surprising, though there's a lot more he wants to ask-- if that long-nosed man is also in the room being maddeningly unhelpful, and whether he can perform those fusions by himself or has to employ the help of a pair of twins...

But, he can't ask that, not without revealing more than he should. So he settles for something else: ]

So you execute and fusion them together into a new Persona-- stronger, but retaining some of their original features, I imagine? It doesn't sound very different from what humans do in life; as they grow and meet new people, they borrow new personality traits from each other, while leaving others behind...

[ Or at least, that's how he consciously knows it works for most people, if not not so much for himself. It makes him wonder if this, too, is why he never saw much of a point in fusing Personas-- why the results were always so weak. ]

[He's never really thought of it quite like that before, but what Akechi says strikes a chord. Taking on new pieces of personality, and leaving others behind... that is what he does, isn't it? In a way, at least.

Maybe that's why he still doesn't wholly feel like he knows himself. Because he isn't finished trying on new parts.]

I guess it is something like that. We learn and grow from our bonds, and so my Personas learn and grow in turn...

[They are all part of the sea of human consciousness, after all.]

I just wish it wasn't so... grisly.

[ Of course he never thought of it like that-- did he even think of it at all? From where Akechi is standing, sometimes it just seems like he just accepted his powers without much questioning whatsoever, just using them for his phantom thievery and his senseless talk of friends and teammates.

Then again, perhaps Akechi has an edge over him in that respect, and a whole extra two years to do enough questioning of his own. ]

From my understanding, everything in the Metaverse seems like an overly grotesque version of people's thoughts and feelings. Shadow selves, Personas, even the collective subconscious that is Mementos... In a way, I'm not surprised you essentially have to play Frankenstein with parts of your soul.

[ At the very least, Akechi felt particularly appalled by this method. Killing parts of his personality to take on more palatable masks, to become someone people could grow to like more easily... He'd been doing that his whole life. ]

It does make me wonder, though. You once told me having multiple Personas makes you feel like you don't know who you really are... But, once you have figured it out, does that mean you'll lose that power...?

[ Does that mean Akechi, too, doesn't know who he really is...? ]

[It's not like Akira doesn't think of them, these powers that were forced on him. But different people have different perspectives - he's been trying to show Akechi that.

But for now he ponders the question. If he learns who he is, will he lose his Personas? Perhaps they'll be replaced with one single Persona, like his friends. Or maybe he'll simply have a small group of them, for each of his personality traits.

Or maybe he'll lose them for good.]

...Maybe.

[However, despite this uncertainty... he seems at ease.]

But by then, maybe I won't need them anymore.

[Maybe by then, he'll have other ways of fighting for what's right.]

... you make it sound so simple.

[ He does, and Akechi doesn't get it. The idea of having even a single Persona - a shadow that is controlled by the ego and given physical shape - is enough to make him wonder, restless, but this power, the power both he and Joker share, the ability to take over dozens of Personas, switch between them, fuse and discard them as easily as pieces of clothing... Are they really in control of these multiple facets of theirs? Or is the shadows that really have power over them...?

He really doesn't get it. ]

Knowing that there might be more versions of "you" than perhaps you'll ever be aware of, being able to see them in such a solid way... If it were me, I think I would feel...

[ Empty. Like nothing he believes to know about himself will ever be concrete-- will ever be real. A fraud, no matter what he does. ]

Regardless-- [ A shake of his head. As far as Akira is supposed to know, that is merely a hypothetical. ] That isn't the case with you. You really are amazing...

[ Like Akechi will never be. Can never be. ]

[If it were him...

Akira wishes he had finished that sentence, but he thinks he can guess at it anyway. Perhaps it makes Akechi feel confused, incomplete... unsure of himself, and his place in the world.

Akira can certainly relate to those kinds of feelings.]

I... don't know if I'm amazing. [He feels a little heat rise to his face - not the right atmosphere for that sort of reaction, but it happens unbidden when Akechi says nice things about him, even if he's a bit downtrodden when he does.] I just focus on my goals and do what I feel like I have to. Same as anyone.

[Same as Akechi, though he wishes those goals were different...]

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