doublecrowss | Inbox for awash

The... real me...?

[He remembers what Akechi told him before, of course: that the demon that took his color looked like Akira. But that was a demon, and Akira is Akira. Why does he need to take Akechi's color too?]

I don't understand.

[ A sigh, and he takes another moment to sort through his thoughts and put them into words.

It would be easier if he could simply start with "I actually like having a break from feeling anything," but even he can tell that could potentially ruin his mask as a cool and collected young man who has his life together. On the other hand, feelings can't be ignored forever; as he's come to realize, they have to eventually be dealt with, and there's still a side of him that is disturbed by the memory of what happened in the woods that day. A side of him that will keep nagging, unless he can handle it.

And at least like this, he can be honest, too, if not entirely. ]

Back at that time, I fell for a demon's trap, and since then, I have thought of that as my weakest moment. No matter how much others tried to dissuade and reassure me it was fine, I could never truly get rid of that feeling. And up until not long ago, I could at least compartimentalize it, but now...

[ A pause, and he looks at Akira. Now that they've come to this point, now that they're more than just temporary acquaintances or even friends-- ]

I don't want to see you as a weakness anymore. And so, in order to wipe off that lasting impression, I thought that perhaps reenacting that moment with the real you in charge this time would help. Rather than being fooled by an illusion, I want it to be a conscious decision, and to know that I'm not being tricked, but placing my trust in you instead. If I can have that, I believe that will set my heart at ease.

[ If he can have that, maybe he can begin to see Akira as his strength, too. ]

[Akira waits patiently, and then listens patiently, wanting to hear Akechi out on this. It's clear that he's given this a lot of thought, and while it's still hard to grasp for Akira, it's also clear that this is something important to him - no, something he needs.

But... Akira still feels hesitant. He wants to help, he really does, and it's concerning that Akechi calls him a weakness, but... he's afraid of what will happen. What if he takes too much color, and Akechi becomes emotionless again? What if the color he takes never goes back?

If he were the cause of making Akechi like that again... he's not sure he could handle it.]

...I think I get it, but... is this the only way you can stop thinking of me as a weakness?

[Maybe there's some kind of compromise here - something else that will do the trick.

(He has a feeling there isn't, but he has to try.)]

[ ... ah. He's not surprised Akira is so reluctant, really, but it's still... disappointing, in a way. He needs to try even harder-- and that probably means revealing even more of his warped thoughts. ]

It's hard to tell. To be honest, I can't even be fully certain this idea will work the way I expect it to, but given the circumstances and what I know about myself, that is the best solution I can come up with.

[ Yes, it's a risky maneuver, and there's no way to be sure the outcome is going to be exactly what Akechi wants; he can at least admit this much instead of denying the obvious. If they do give this a try, he does want Akira to go into fully aware he's not promising good results. It's a gamble, and he thinks it's totally worth it.

Especially for the potential bonus-- or would it be the real prize? ]

And... there's one more reason why I would like to try this. It's not very logical or sensible at all, but--

[ At this point, his eyes drop to his lap, over the blanket they share. He just needs to look away; for all the honesty he's already offered, this bit in particular makes him feel too self-conscious. A little vulnerable, too. ]

... I can't help but wonder, if the deal we made at that time would come true, if I were to make it with the real you.

[The deal they made at that time...

It's been awhile, but Akira still remembers the conversation he had with Akechi. He remembers him saying that, in a choice between killing a friend and true happiness, who would want to pick the former? He remembers that the deal was that Akechi and the Phantom Thieves would fight side by side, true partners in justice. He remembers saying that he would steal Akechi's heart, bring him to the side of their justice instead.]

You think... we could truly fight side by side, if we do this?

[Not just here and now, in Chroma, where it's easy and there aren't the pressures of the world to work against them. But back in Tokyo, too - and forever beyond.]

Is that what you mean?

[ Akechi nods in response, a sheepish smile on his lips. He, too, remembers their challenge from that day, how they wondered if they could bring the other to their side, and while he's not ready to give up on his own idea of justice, he can't say he hasn't considered an extended alliance with the Thieves at least once or twice since that talk. Is it even possible to find a compromise? Is that what he's really trying to accomplish with this idea?

... ah. Hope is such a silly feeling. ]

I realize it isn't very rational to expect that wishes will be magically granted without any hard work and effort put into it. It's... not very much like me, either.

[ He can admit that much, at least, though there's more he wants to do. Rationalize the irrational, maybe? It's a worth a shot. ]

But, if there's one thing we have learned in the past several month is that this place in general isn't very rational, and it follows its own logic instead. One that is reminiscent of fairytales, and all the romanticized ideals that come with them.

[ From a wishing well to the dead coming back to life, and even the power of bonds... None of that would normally make sense, yet in this town, it does. ]

I simply thought it would be worth trying. After all, in fairytales, dreams do come true.

[It's true - there is certainly something about this place that operates like a fairytale. Normal logic isn't as applicable, and maybe that means it's safe to assume fantastical logic is.

So he understands Akechi's thinking, because he wants to believe it, too. That somehow, things will work out - that Akechi's fate will be changed, that he'll come to their side, that he'll be able to make a better life for himself. That maybe when this is all done, they can still be together.

Maybe their fairytale will come true. But they can't do that without trust - without faith.

So he sighs, gives a nod, then holds out his hand. But it's clear he's still hesitant.]

I understand. I just... don't want to hurt you.

Losing color doesn't hurt. At worst, you'll just make me prematurely go gray-- and not just with worry this time, haha...!

[ ... okay, so maybe it's not the best time to make one of his trademark lame jokes, but it's his own way to be reassuring. He does mean what he says, though; according to Guren and, more importantly, his own experience, having all color drained isn't physically painful in any way. It only hurts in the metaphorical sense, to realize such important feelings are gone.

And even though he has reasons to be happier now, there's still enough baggage in there to make the temporary trade-off worth it. Not that this is something he's about to share, of course. ]

However, I understand this is still a difficult choice to make. [ So he takes Akira's hand in his and, instead of sealing an unfinished deal, he just gives it a squeeze, gentle and hopefully comforting. ] As such, I won't be asking that you make any final decisions right now. You can take your time, and get back to me once you've made up your mind.

[Akira might not physically roll his eyes at the joke, but the motion is still palpable in his stare - honestly, Akechi, at a time like this? But in honesty, Akira doesn't mind a little joke for levity, given the situation at hand.

Still, he's appreciative when Akechi agrees to give him time to think about it. He'll have to mentally prepare for this, get used to the idea in his head before he makes any final moves.

So he puts his other hand around Akechi's, squeezing him back, before moving to settle down more in the blankets.]

Alright. I'll think about it.

[He'll try not to keep Akechi waiting too long.]

Thank you. I'll be waiting for your decision.

[ And, really, Akechi has left Akira waiting on answers for possibly even longer before, so as long as he gets back to him before the next batch of quests are posted, there will be no complaining on his part. ]

In the meantime, though-- [ Here, he smiles down at Akira, inviting, but maybe with just a hint of mischief. ] There's one other quest we can do, isn't there?

[ One that they'll miserably fail at, but that's not what's really important here. ]

[Akira will try not to keep him waiting long. It's just... a big decision. He needs some time.

But he'll get back to Akechi as soon as he feels he can. He hopes Akechi trusts him on that.

So for now, he smiles back, finally relaxing back down so he can wiggle a bit more under the blanket.]

I did come here to cuddle.

[ Akechi is almost tempted to ask if that's all Akira really came for, but he chooses to remain silent instead-- though perhaps his smile speaks for him instead. ]

Well. I won't keep you waiting, then.

[ And he, too, proceeds to settling in more comfortably, pressing himself closer to Akira-- because it's a quest requirement, because the lack of space makes it necessary, but, more important, because he wants to. Whether Akira is a strength, a weakness, or even both, it doesn't really matter right now; the feeling is light on his chest, something he knowingly chooses to indulge on. ]

Is this comfortable?

Yeah.

[It's a contented word - Akira has so few of them, but they carry meaning all on their own. He lays his head over on Akechi's shoulder to settle in better, feeling his warmth on the side of his face.]

How about you? Enjoying yourself?

With you? Always.

[ And the best part? He doesn't have to flirt for the sake of flirting; he actually means every word he says. ]

I'm afraid I can't offer much in the way of entertainment, though. You did give me such short notice...

[ There aren't even stars to look at it, this time. There's only him. ]

[He doesn't mind that. Looking at Akechi is his new favorite pastime.]

That's alright. We can just talk.

[Or they could even just lay here. Take a nap, maybe. He honestly doesn't care either way.]

[ Akechi can't help but chuckle at that suggestion. ]

Hearing you say that could almost fool me into thinking you're the talkative type.

[ And Akira is... just about the opposite of that, really. Still, it's all meant in good jest; however little he said, it was enough to make Akechi like him, and he hopes that nuzzling his terribly frizzy hair is enough to reinforce his point. ]

That's a shame, you know. I rather like the sound of your voice.

[He just likes to do the listening, that's all! But Akira doesn't mind at all the nuzzling in his hair, and welcomes it happily by tilting his head more into the nuzzles.]

You do, huh?

[It's a pretty ordinary voice, though, isn't it? Well, maybe Akechi is a little biased.]

Yours isn't bad either. So I like listening.

[ This is good practice for when Akechi gets his own pet, it would seem. It's always a good sign when cats lean into your touch, isn't it? ]

So you get to enjoy mine, yet don't reciprocate the favor? That's mightily selfish of you, do you realize?

[ It's a lighthearted jab, but it does have a hint of truth to it. He wouldn't complain if Akira did just that little bit more talking every now and then... ]

Selfish, huh...?

[He doesn't really think of it like that - isn't it selfish to talk about yourself too much, and not let others have the floor? But Akechi does often tell him he does that too much...]

Then how about we trade off evenly, this time?

[ At that suggestion, Akechi pulls away, just enough to give Akira a questioning look, curious. ]

I'm not sure you can talk much more than your usual-- and it would take quite a lot to catch up to me, haha...

[ Another jab, but just as playful as the last, and he resumes his ministrations by burying his face in Akira's frizzy mane again. ]

It's all right, though. As much as I would like for you to be a little more expressive sometimes, I feel like I can get a good grasp on your thoughts and expand on them with my own words. I believe we complement each other this way, wouldn't you agree?

[That's a bit rude! He can talk, he just chooses not to...!

But he isn't actually offended, and he gives a little laugh at that.]

Yeah, I do.

[And that's all Akechi gets. If he's such a master of expanding on Akira's words, he shouldn't need more, right?]

[ Piece of shit! Akechi can translate his few words well enough, but he's not a miracle worker-- give him something more to work with! ]

And that makes it sound like you weren't very serious about evenly trading off,to begin with.

[ But, he's not particularly offended or even upset, either-- although maybe he'll break from his ever polite and nice facade to do the unthinkable and, gasp, flick Akira's arm in playful reprimand. Wow! ]

[Wow, indeed! Akira gives an exaggerated huff, but he can't stop smiling.]

Fine, then. Why don't you ask me a question, if you want to know something about me?

[Then he can talk about that, and Akechi can hear the sound of his voice.]

A question, hmm? That's almost like giving me too much power...

[ A dangerous thought in any other occasion, really, but not right now, not when they've re-established a lighter mood, comfortable despite Akechi's alarming request from before. And he wants to keep it that way. ]

In that case, tell me about your life back in your hometown. What were your family and friends like?

[ Probably not that great, if they're the kind of parents who get rid of a problem child like he's a disposable asset, but he'd still like to hear some more information before passing judgement. ]

[Ah. That is certainly a question...]

...It was alright, I guess. Pretty normal. My parents... they're not strict, but they're distant. I can't remember the last time we talked about something that wasn't homework or my life plans.

[And maybe he never really satisfied them with either.]

They were embarrassed by me, after my arrest. Barely talked to me after my expulsion. When Shujin accepted me, and they knew they'd have to send me to Tokyo... for them, I think it was a relief.

[Maybe he should have started with the less gloomy angle...]

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