doublecrowss | Inbox for awash

[ He doesn't have any childish fantasies!! (Even though one of his Personas is essentially a super hero...!) ]

I suppose we do. Come.

[ And he's going to lead Akira to his room, which is nothing special, really, but perfectly clean and organized, with a made bed and a couple of blankets neatly folded in a pile on top of the mattress. There's not much in the way of decorations, but there is a journal resting on a nightstand, and the infamous sock puppet by the pillow. ]

My bed isn't much bigger than yours, but that should be good enough. We've made it work before, right?

[He takes a look around when he gets there, noting the lack of personal touches. It's hard to find decor in this town, of course, but it still feels a bit odd that Akechi's room is just as clean and polished as the rest of him.

Except for, of course, the sock puppet resting on the pillow. The first inroad Akira really made into Akechi's space.]

Uh, yeah.

[He gets a little flustered when he remembers that, because he had been so awkward at the time, but it's well behind them now. He goes to the opposite side from Akechi, then waits for his cue to settle in.]

[ There's the sock puppet, which he moves to the nightstand as he takes a seat on his side of the bed, but if Akira pays close attention, there's the occasional personal touch peppered across his room. The journal, which was a birthday gift from Lupin, has a few dried up flowers pressed between pages to serve as a bookmark-- the remainders of a flower crown he got from Ochako. And the pocket watch that he winds up before placing aside? A birthday gift from Minato.

They're still few and far in between, perhaps barely noticeable, but welcome touches of warmth and life in the otherwise sterile emptiness of Akechi's room. His heart is much the same way. ]

Aren't you going to lie down? [ He asks once he's done with his evening routine. ] It would probably be more effective than trying to cuddle while standing, you do realize?

[He gives the slightest roll of his eyes, then comes around to the other side of the bed and lays down, wiggling a bit to get closer to Akechi. The blanket he brought gets tossed to the end of the bed until it's needed.]

Thought I'd let you take the lead.

[This is his room after all. Akira is just the guest.]

And here I thought you didn't like that.

[ It's a playful jab at Akira's reaction back when Akechi forcibly took on a leader role, though the circumstances were vastly different.

But, if this is what he wants, then Akechi will follow suit and wiggle closer, draping his covers over the both of them, leaving the extra blanket at the foot of his bed, should they need it later. Next, he casts an arm around Akira and pulls him in closer, for the sake of being faithful to quest requirements and because he plain wants to. ]

There. [ A smile, albeit just a tad bit cocky. ] Is this enough taking the lead to you?

It'll do.

[He says it with a smile as he leans his head in and leans comfortable against Akechi's shoulder, nestled in his side.]

Maybe next time I won't have to tell you first.

[It's just a tease, a small smirk on his own face now.]

[ Next time, huh? Well, that does sort of give him a cue to bring up a different topic he had been meaning to, so: ]

Well. If you want me to completely take the initiative, there's something I wanted to discuss with you. About a different quest I would like us to try.

[ One Akira might not like all that much, but it's worth a shot. ]

Hm?

[Another quest, huh? He tries to go over the others in his mind - there was the sphinx, but he doesn't know why that would really need discussion. Maybe this is the gratitude quest, then? That's a little embarrassing, but he'll accept, of course!]

Which one?

[ Aha... haha... no, none of those. So as a preemptive measure, Akechi pulls him even closer, idly combing Akira's hair with his fingers, as though trying to balance out the gravity of his upcoming request with the weight of his affections. ]

Quest number 35.

[ And, in case Akira needs further clarification: ]

I... wish for you to take my color.

[ Yup. ]

[There's a moment, and then Akira pulls away. No matter how nice the feeling of fingers combing his hair might be, what Akechi said is too startling for him to remain cuddled up.]

What?

[He has to be misunderstanding. Akechi wouldn't really want him to do that, right?]

[ Yeah, well. He does. ]

Don't look so surprised. I have been in that position before, remember?

[ And the fact that Akira has pulled away even when they were getting all nice and cuddly is probably an indication this discussion is going to be every bit as difficult as Akechi anticipated, though not enough to dissuade him. So he sits up in bed, and takes another minute to figure how to begin to explain his train of thought. ]

In fact, it's because of that prior experience that I wish to do it. That I want the real you to do it.

[ It... probably doesn't tell Akira very much, but it's a start. ]

The... real me...?

[He remembers what Akechi told him before, of course: that the demon that took his color looked like Akira. But that was a demon, and Akira is Akira. Why does he need to take Akechi's color too?]

I don't understand.

[ A sigh, and he takes another moment to sort through his thoughts and put them into words.

It would be easier if he could simply start with "I actually like having a break from feeling anything," but even he can tell that could potentially ruin his mask as a cool and collected young man who has his life together. On the other hand, feelings can't be ignored forever; as he's come to realize, they have to eventually be dealt with, and there's still a side of him that is disturbed by the memory of what happened in the woods that day. A side of him that will keep nagging, unless he can handle it.

And at least like this, he can be honest, too, if not entirely. ]

Back at that time, I fell for a demon's trap, and since then, I have thought of that as my weakest moment. No matter how much others tried to dissuade and reassure me it was fine, I could never truly get rid of that feeling. And up until not long ago, I could at least compartimentalize it, but now...

[ A pause, and he looks at Akira. Now that they've come to this point, now that they're more than just temporary acquaintances or even friends-- ]

I don't want to see you as a weakness anymore. And so, in order to wipe off that lasting impression, I thought that perhaps reenacting that moment with the real you in charge this time would help. Rather than being fooled by an illusion, I want it to be a conscious decision, and to know that I'm not being tricked, but placing my trust in you instead. If I can have that, I believe that will set my heart at ease.

[ If he can have that, maybe he can begin to see Akira as his strength, too. ]

[Akira waits patiently, and then listens patiently, wanting to hear Akechi out on this. It's clear that he's given this a lot of thought, and while it's still hard to grasp for Akira, it's also clear that this is something important to him - no, something he needs.

But... Akira still feels hesitant. He wants to help, he really does, and it's concerning that Akechi calls him a weakness, but... he's afraid of what will happen. What if he takes too much color, and Akechi becomes emotionless again? What if the color he takes never goes back?

If he were the cause of making Akechi like that again... he's not sure he could handle it.]

...I think I get it, but... is this the only way you can stop thinking of me as a weakness?

[Maybe there's some kind of compromise here - something else that will do the trick.

(He has a feeling there isn't, but he has to try.)]

[ ... ah. He's not surprised Akira is so reluctant, really, but it's still... disappointing, in a way. He needs to try even harder-- and that probably means revealing even more of his warped thoughts. ]

It's hard to tell. To be honest, I can't even be fully certain this idea will work the way I expect it to, but given the circumstances and what I know about myself, that is the best solution I can come up with.

[ Yes, it's a risky maneuver, and there's no way to be sure the outcome is going to be exactly what Akechi wants; he can at least admit this much instead of denying the obvious. If they do give this a try, he does want Akira to go into fully aware he's not promising good results. It's a gamble, and he thinks it's totally worth it.

Especially for the potential bonus-- or would it be the real prize? ]

And... there's one more reason why I would like to try this. It's not very logical or sensible at all, but--

[ At this point, his eyes drop to his lap, over the blanket they share. He just needs to look away; for all the honesty he's already offered, this bit in particular makes him feel too self-conscious. A little vulnerable, too. ]

... I can't help but wonder, if the deal we made at that time would come true, if I were to make it with the real you.

[The deal they made at that time...

It's been awhile, but Akira still remembers the conversation he had with Akechi. He remembers him saying that, in a choice between killing a friend and true happiness, who would want to pick the former? He remembers that the deal was that Akechi and the Phantom Thieves would fight side by side, true partners in justice. He remembers saying that he would steal Akechi's heart, bring him to the side of their justice instead.]

You think... we could truly fight side by side, if we do this?

[Not just here and now, in Chroma, where it's easy and there aren't the pressures of the world to work against them. But back in Tokyo, too - and forever beyond.]

Is that what you mean?

[ Akechi nods in response, a sheepish smile on his lips. He, too, remembers their challenge from that day, how they wondered if they could bring the other to their side, and while he's not ready to give up on his own idea of justice, he can't say he hasn't considered an extended alliance with the Thieves at least once or twice since that talk. Is it even possible to find a compromise? Is that what he's really trying to accomplish with this idea?

... ah. Hope is such a silly feeling. ]

I realize it isn't very rational to expect that wishes will be magically granted without any hard work and effort put into it. It's... not very much like me, either.

[ He can admit that much, at least, though there's more he wants to do. Rationalize the irrational, maybe? It's a worth a shot. ]

But, if there's one thing we have learned in the past several month is that this place in general isn't very rational, and it follows its own logic instead. One that is reminiscent of fairytales, and all the romanticized ideals that come with them.

[ From a wishing well to the dead coming back to life, and even the power of bonds... None of that would normally make sense, yet in this town, it does. ]

I simply thought it would be worth trying. After all, in fairytales, dreams do come true.

[It's true - there is certainly something about this place that operates like a fairytale. Normal logic isn't as applicable, and maybe that means it's safe to assume fantastical logic is.

So he understands Akechi's thinking, because he wants to believe it, too. That somehow, things will work out - that Akechi's fate will be changed, that he'll come to their side, that he'll be able to make a better life for himself. That maybe when this is all done, they can still be together.

Maybe their fairytale will come true. But they can't do that without trust - without faith.

So he sighs, gives a nod, then holds out his hand. But it's clear he's still hesitant.]

I understand. I just... don't want to hurt you.

Losing color doesn't hurt. At worst, you'll just make me prematurely go gray-- and not just with worry this time, haha...!

[ ... okay, so maybe it's not the best time to make one of his trademark lame jokes, but it's his own way to be reassuring. He does mean what he says, though; according to Guren and, more importantly, his own experience, having all color drained isn't physically painful in any way. It only hurts in the metaphorical sense, to realize such important feelings are gone.

And even though he has reasons to be happier now, there's still enough baggage in there to make the temporary trade-off worth it. Not that this is something he's about to share, of course. ]

However, I understand this is still a difficult choice to make. [ So he takes Akira's hand in his and, instead of sealing an unfinished deal, he just gives it a squeeze, gentle and hopefully comforting. ] As such, I won't be asking that you make any final decisions right now. You can take your time, and get back to me once you've made up your mind.

[Akira might not physically roll his eyes at the joke, but the motion is still palpable in his stare - honestly, Akechi, at a time like this? But in honesty, Akira doesn't mind a little joke for levity, given the situation at hand.

Still, he's appreciative when Akechi agrees to give him time to think about it. He'll have to mentally prepare for this, get used to the idea in his head before he makes any final moves.

So he puts his other hand around Akechi's, squeezing him back, before moving to settle down more in the blankets.]

Alright. I'll think about it.

[He'll try not to keep Akechi waiting too long.]

Thank you. I'll be waiting for your decision.

[ And, really, Akechi has left Akira waiting on answers for possibly even longer before, so as long as he gets back to him before the next batch of quests are posted, there will be no complaining on his part. ]

In the meantime, though-- [ Here, he smiles down at Akira, inviting, but maybe with just a hint of mischief. ] There's one other quest we can do, isn't there?

[ One that they'll miserably fail at, but that's not what's really important here. ]

[Akira will try not to keep him waiting long. It's just... a big decision. He needs some time.

But he'll get back to Akechi as soon as he feels he can. He hopes Akechi trusts him on that.

So for now, he smiles back, finally relaxing back down so he can wiggle a bit more under the blanket.]

I did come here to cuddle.

[ Akechi is almost tempted to ask if that's all Akira really came for, but he chooses to remain silent instead-- though perhaps his smile speaks for him instead. ]

Well. I won't keep you waiting, then.

[ And he, too, proceeds to settling in more comfortably, pressing himself closer to Akira-- because it's a quest requirement, because the lack of space makes it necessary, but, more important, because he wants to. Whether Akira is a strength, a weakness, or even both, it doesn't really matter right now; the feeling is light on his chest, something he knowingly chooses to indulge on. ]

Is this comfortable?

Yeah.

[It's a contented word - Akira has so few of them, but they carry meaning all on their own. He lays his head over on Akechi's shoulder to settle in better, feeling his warmth on the side of his face.]

How about you? Enjoying yourself?

With you? Always.

[ And the best part? He doesn't have to flirt for the sake of flirting; he actually means every word he says. ]

I'm afraid I can't offer much in the way of entertainment, though. You did give me such short notice...

[ There aren't even stars to look at it, this time. There's only him. ]

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